Nice Car!

On Friday night, Brandt and I went for a nice long walk (hasn’t the weather been wonderful?!) and then went to one of our favorite restaurants.  For whatever reason, the seating hostess always tries to seat us in the room with the sports bar.  It’s loud enough in the regular dining area, so adding the noise of 2 big-screen televisions and screaming football fans is just impossible.  The hostess always thinks it’s strange when I ask her to sit away from the bar.

About halfway through our dinner, she came up to our table and asked Brandt, “Do you own the black BMW?”  He nodded, and I knew that he thought she was asking if his meal was good.  Before I could jump in, she said “You do?  Wow!  Nice car!  Well your headlights are on…”  He smiled and nodded again.  I opened my mouth to tell him what was going on, when she again told him his headlights were on and he needed to turn them off.  I shook my head and said, “No, we don’t own a BMW, sorry…”  She looked at Brandt, confused.  “But, he said you did.”  I shook my head again.  “He didn’t hear you right.”

I turned to Brandt and explained what had happened.  “Oh, I thought you were asking if my food was ok.  It’s good!” he said.  Then I had to re-explain to the hostess that no, we don’t own the BMW and it was all a misunderstanding.

As we were leaving the restaurant, Brandt asked me, “Did you see the couple next to us?”  The older couple?”  I nodded.  “They were celebrating their anniversary!” he said.  Puzzled, I said, “I heard them order some sort of wine, but how’d you know it was their anniversary?  Did they have cards or something?”  Very proudly, he said, “Nope, I read their lips!  The man toasted ‘To another 23 wonderful years.  Happy Anniversary.’”  I was amazed!  “You can read lips that well?!  And you were eavesdropping on their conversation?!”  He smirked.  “Yep.  It keeps me somewhat connected to my surroundings!”

  

Lovely Sandwich

I think my hearing is getting worse…

Over the weekend, our friends Cassie and Basil came to visit, and I had a really hard time understanding either of them unless I was looking right at them.  Riding in the backseat of their car, I strained and struggled to make sense of their words, and walking around at the zoo was equally difficult because I was walking several steps behind them (I was really tired!).  I’ve known Cassie for 15 years, and I don’t remember ever having trouble understanding her in person.  I’ve had some difficulty on the phone with her for the past few years, but I assumed that was (mostly) due to us talking on cell phones.

I don’t have a problem with hearing sounds, I don’t think.  I can still hear all the little pops and creaks of our house late at night, and the random annoying neighborhood sounds.  But my speech comprehension is not doing so well.

Last night after dinner, Brandt was getting dessert, about 8 feet from the kitchen table where I was sitting.  I asked him what he’d had for lunch, and I swear I clearly heard him say, “A lovely grilled chicken sandwich.”  I laughed and said, “A lovely chicken sandwich?  And what made it so lovely?”  He looked confused and said, “Well, it was grilled, and it had lettuce...you know, nice and healthy.”  Apparently he had said “HEALTHY grilled chicken sandwich,” not “lovely.”  {sigh}

Subway

We went to Subway for a quick dinner last night, and Brandt ordered his sandwich first while I was still deciding.  One of the two girls working there asked him if he wanted his sub toasted, and he didn’t hear her.  She looked at him expectantly and he said, “I’m sorry, did you ask me something?”  She repeated the question, and he didn’t understand her.  She said it again, pointing to the toaster.  Brandt said, “TOASTED!  Yes, I want my sandwich toasted.  Sorry, I’m deaf…” 

Both girls laughed, and the one making his sandwich said, “Ha, you’re deaf.  That’s funny!”  Then she asked what all he wanted on his sandwich, and again he didn’t understand her.  She looked at him and said, “Wait, are you kidding?”  He cupped his hand behind his ear and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you…” 

Now they weren’t sure what to think.  I debated when I should chime in.  “You’re not really deaf…right?” one of them asked.  “I’m sorry?” he said, looking confused.  The two girls looked at each other, getting uncomfortable.  “You’re just playing, right?  You’re not really deaf!” the second girl said nervously. 

“No, he’s really deaf,” I finally jumped in.  “He’s not kidding, he’s deaf.”

Brandt took out one of his hearing aids and showed it to them.  They both gasped.  “Oh my lord, I am so so sorry!” one shrieked.  “Oh my god, I can’t believe I said that to you, I’m so sorry you’re deaf!!” the other said. 

He waved them off, chuckling, and said, “Oh, don’t worry about it.  I’m used to it.”

I thought it was interesting that Brandt used the word “deaf” instead of “hearing-impaired” (he doesn’t like the more politically-correct term “hard-of-hearing”).  Each term brings up different connotations and different expectations about how a person might be able to hear and interact.  Just like the choice of using “hearing-impaired” versus “hard-of-hearing,” it’s a personal choice to use “deaf” instead.  My hearing is technically impaired, although not nearly as much as Brandt; and I can interact with others—for example, the girls at Subway—much easier than he can.  So by saying that he is “deaf,” it’s a quick way to let others know that he’s probably going to have a difficult time understanding them the first time they ask a question.

ALDAcon Karaoke

The Karaoke party on Saturday night of ALDAcon was scheduled from 8:00 to midnight, but we were having so much fun, it actually ran over!  I honestly had no idea what to expect from this party.  I hadn’t done karaoke in almost a decade, and I admittedly have no rhythm (although I do like to dance, I’m just awful at it!).

Here is the first e-mail I received about the ALDAcon Karaoke, a few weeks before the ’Con:

“Since 1992, ALDA has hosted its Karaoke Party at our annual ALDAcon through the generous support of the Verizon Foundation. Karaoke has become a cherished and fun source of support by reconnecting us to a huge missing part of our social environment—music. While we may not be able to hear or understand music as we remember it, by feeling vibrations, reading familiar lyrics on a screen and dancing with our ALDA family, it recreates those wonderful moments we've missed since losing our hearing.” 

And from the flyer for it:

“Your friends can all hear.  Your family can too!  They laugh and cut up, but you have no clue what's goin’ on.  You wanna sing your heart out and dance yourself crazy, but you are afraid of being off key and you can't hear the rhythm of the song.  Why hold back?? That’s not YOU!!!”   

These really helped me to understand the purpose of karaoke at a conference for deafened people (you have to admit, it sounds strange at first).  It was amazing to watch this group of deaf people singing, signing, and dancing along to all eras and genres of music.  Everyone was having a blast, myself included.  Yes, the singing was mostly off-key; but, mine was too!  I got up to dance to “Walk Like an Egyptian,” “YMCA,” “Stayin’ Alive,” and “Macarena.”  It was a surreal experience, to say the least.

My favorite thing about the karaoke was the balloons.  To “re-discover” music, you can blow up a balloon and hold it on your lap while loud music is playing—it’s incredible!  I’m not sure who first discovered this, but ALDAcon Karaoke prides itself on making the music accessible to everyone, with both the lyrics on the screen, and the balloons that allow deaf people to feel the beat.

I was worried about the loudness of the music, since my mild hearing loss was probably at least aggravated by listening to music too loud over the years.  Luckily, there are special earplugs made for musicians that allow you to still hear all the frequencies of music, but lowers the decibel level just enough that it doesn’t damage your hearing.  I ordered the smaller size of musician earplugs, thinking that the adult size might hurt my ears.  They fit perfectly, and did exactly what they were supposed to!  I could still talk to people, and hear the music just fine; it just wasn’t loud or hurting my ears.  I actually started to wonder if the music was loud at all, until a Hearing lady at my table complained of splitting headache caused by the music. 

For the final song, “Wind Beneath My Wings,” we all stood around in a big circle singing.  Bob and Sarah were to my right and ended up standing right in front of one of the speakers, and I was just to the left of it with my leg pressed against it.  I could feel it shaking, hard, but the sound didn’t bother my ears at all.  After the song ended, Sarah yelled, “WOW, that speaker was LOUD!  I am in PAIN!  My ears are going to be ringing for a while!”  I felt guilty because with my earplugs, I was able to enjoy the music without any of the pain!

And now for some pictures.  Here’s a shot from “Hotel California”; Ken in the middle is signing while he sings.  They had a lot of cute props for people to wear on the stage:

This picture is from “Boot Scootin’ Boogie.”  I didn’t participate because I don’t know this dance, but I did sing along:

“Love Hurts”

I’ve had a migraine this week (along with the constant whooshing) that is finally getting better, so tonight we went out to our favorite sushi restaurant to celebrate.  We didn’t want to sit at the hibachi tables, but there weren’t any regular seats available either.  So we ended up sitting at the sushi bar, watching the sushi chefs assemble all those delicious rolls (some of which were made with a large blowtorch!).

It was hard to hear, because there were two couples next to us who were really enjoying their beers, causing them to shout and laugh quite loudly.  There was also music playing overhead, of course, so Brandt was having trouble hearing, of course.  I was sitting right next to him, which helped some.

I try not to sing along with music, because it really bugs Brandt, but sometimes I forget.  “Love Hurts” started playing, and I couldn’t help but sing along for a minute.  Brandt looked around, confused, and asked, “What are you saying?  What’d I miss?”  I laughed and said, “Sorry, I was singing ‘Love Hurts.’”  He nodded, still confused. 

I started singing again with the last line, “Oooooooooh ooooooh, looooove huuuuurrrrttsssss!”  Brandt again looked confused, and asked, “What are you singing now?”  I chuckled; “Sorry, it’s still ‘Love Hurts.’”  This time I signed “LOVE HURTS” as I spoke.  He nodded again.  “Well, that’s better than the last song, I guess…”  I smirked; “What was the last song?”

“‘Loafers,’ you said.  Strange topic for a song.”

Ah yes, the classic 1975 hit “Loafers” by Nazareth.

Day 3 of ALDAcon

I’m still whooshing just as bad, but, I’m trying to just deal with it for now.  Luckily my alarm clock is also a sound machine, so playing the “waterfall” sound really loud gives me something else to concentrate on while trying to sleep, and it’s helping a little.  So, back to ALDAcon!

Day 3 started with the workshop “The Power of Nonverbal Communication” by Michael Bower, a Life Enrichment Consultant.  Mrs. Bower does not sign, but gives many presentations to hearing loss groups.  She explained that there are 3 parts to communication:

1. The words we say—only 7% of communication
2. The way we sound doing it—38% of communication
3. The way we look doing it—55% of communication

There are a number of things involved in communication that impact how we are perceived, including loud vs. soft voice, pitch (too high is shrill, too low is aggressive), how fast (‘brash’) or slow (‘simple’), universal sounds (angry voice, ‘pillow talk,’ etc.), touch, how we look while talking (facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, etc.), cultural issues (distance apart, what we wear), and body language.  Mrs. Bower explained that with practice and awareness, people with hearing loss can improve their communication through good non-verbal communication skills.

My second workshop was “Dating and Intimacy with New Partners” by Marisa Musso.  I was a little worried about attending this workshop, since I’m married, but it was the only workshop being offered about relationships.  Ms. Musso started by reminding attendees that “you are not your hearing loss; it is only a part of you, it does not define you.”  She explained that deaf and hard-of-hearing people are looking for the same things in a relationship as Hearing people are, with one addition:  they want a partner who will accept their hearing loss.  This can be difficult because it is common to get tongue-tied, and the fear of disclosure regarding hearing loss can be scary.

Ms. Musso went through a number of questions for participants to think about—questions to have answered before going out on your first date with someone new, so that you’re already prepared.  The first question is, when do you want to disclose your hearing loss?  This is a personal choice and could be prior to the first date; on the first, second, third, etc. date; when the other person notices, etc.  The second question is, how do you want to disclose your hearing loss?  Examples include:  apologetically (probably not the best approach); as a significant part of your identity; as an insignificant part of your identity; with confidence; with humor; or not acknowledging it at all.  The third question is, how would you prefer disclosure to occur?

The theme of the workshop was “Confidence is Sexy!”  Ms. Musso suggests disclosing a hearing loss in a positive manner, such as saying what you have learned from it and the bright side.  She gave us each a sheet of paper to fill out for preparing for a date, which includes writing some details about your hearing loss, tips for communicating with you, humor, how to show you’re proactive, and how to show you’re confident.  It is important to show your dating needs and habits, so anticipate possible barriers that could arise on a date (such as bad lighting or too much background noise), plan solutions for these situations, and be proactive by mentioning common problems before they happen.  For communication, Ms. Musso stressed that bluffing (pretending you heard/understood when you really didn’t) is not allowed when you and your date are sharing personal thoughts and feelings.  Be clear about what you need to be able to hear, and be honest when you don’t hear.

Intimacy barriers that stem from hearing loss include environmental (e.g. lights), attitude (e.g. avoidance), and emotional (e.g. fear and shame).  Ms. Musso reminded us that self-esteem is a very important factor in successful dating, and people with hearing loss often have self-esteem issues related to their hearing status.  She told the audience to keep in mind that many relationships end for the same reasons, whether someone has a hearing loss or not, but people with hearing loss and disabilities often blame themselves or their disability for the end of a relationship.

Websites recommended by the workshop include:

A Greater Date (online dating for Deaf/Hard-of-Hearing)

Dating4Disabled 

Dating Tips and Advice 

And a website about Self-Esteem 

Our keynote speaker at the Awards Luncheon was Patricia Graves, the president of Caption First and a pioneer in captioning since its inception in the ’80s.  She has developed the standards for CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation) captioning, and is certified in “every state and national captioning certificate that exists.”  Ms. Graves is losing her vision due to diabetes, and drew may comparisons of going blind to going deaf, such as bluffing (saying “oh yes, that’s a lovely painting!” when she really can’t see it), and being accused of having “selective seeing” (people with hearing loss are often accused of having “selective hearing”—only hearing when they want to).  She said to her ALDA family, “You have taught me to recognize that limitations are okay, and it is okay to ask for help.”

My final workshop of the convention was Part 3 of “Communication Strategies and Basic Sign Language” by David Litman.  We reviewed family signs, and learned signs about time, weather, and emergencies.  I learned a new sign—HURRICANE.  Mr. Litman reminded us to “think visually!”  I loved seeing the room full of people eager and excited to learn Sign Language, and I am so glad that ALDA encourages its members to embrace ASL.

Our all-night Karaoke Party deserves its own post, so stay tuned!

  

Return of the Whoosh

Sorry for abandoning my reports on ALDAcon; my whooshing tinnitus has returned with a vengeance, and I haven’t been able to concentrate—or sleep—very well for the past 5 days.

It got a lot worse in Colorado Springs, which I assumed was somehow from the altitude because the high-pitched squealing in my left ear also returned with a vengeance, and it hadn’t been bothering me for a long time.  The altitude affected my sleeping anyway, and the squealing left ear and windy, whooshing right ear made it nearly impossible.  The high-pitched tinnitus went away after I’d been home about 2 days (around the time I could take deep breaths again!), but the whooshing stayed.  It got better—less annoying, not as loud; but it never went away.  Then it quickly came back as bad as ever, and that’s how it has been for 5 days straight.  Even when I’m watching television and can’t hear it, I can still feel it, pulsing and whooshing in my ear.  It feels like a wind storm in there.

I’ve looked up all the horrible medical conditions that can cause whooshing, or “pulsatile,” tinnitus, but I don’t have any other symptoms.  No headaches, vision problems, dizziness, or high blood pressure (I just took it and it’s 108/67).  So, I think my only option is to get an appointment with an otologist or otolaryngologist (I’m not even sure which one I need!) and see what it could be.  I’m afraid I will need an MRI, which I can’t possible afford since I don’t have health insurance…