Day 3 of ALDAcon

I’m still whooshing just as bad, but, I’m trying to just deal with it for now.  Luckily my alarm clock is also a sound machine, so playing the “waterfall” sound really loud gives me something else to concentrate on while trying to sleep, and it’s helping a little.  So, back to ALDAcon!

Day 3 started with the workshop “The Power of Nonverbal Communication” by Michael Bower, a Life Enrichment Consultant.  Mrs. Bower does not sign, but gives many presentations to hearing loss groups.  She explained that there are 3 parts to communication:

1. The words we say—only 7% of communication
2. The way we sound doing it—38% of communication
3. The way we look doing it—55% of communication

There are a number of things involved in communication that impact how we are perceived, including loud vs. soft voice, pitch (too high is shrill, too low is aggressive), how fast (‘brash’) or slow (‘simple’), universal sounds (angry voice, ‘pillow talk,’ etc.), touch, how we look while talking (facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, etc.), cultural issues (distance apart, what we wear), and body language.  Mrs. Bower explained that with practice and awareness, people with hearing loss can improve their communication through good non-verbal communication skills.

My second workshop was “Dating and Intimacy with New Partners” by Marisa Musso.  I was a little worried about attending this workshop, since I’m married, but it was the only workshop being offered about relationships.  Ms. Musso started by reminding attendees that “you are not your hearing loss; it is only a part of you, it does not define you.”  She explained that deaf and hard-of-hearing people are looking for the same things in a relationship as Hearing people are, with one addition:  they want a partner who will accept their hearing loss.  This can be difficult because it is common to get tongue-tied, and the fear of disclosure regarding hearing loss can be scary.

Ms. Musso went through a number of questions for participants to think about—questions to have answered before going out on your first date with someone new, so that you’re already prepared.  The first question is, when do you want to disclose your hearing loss?  This is a personal choice and could be prior to the first date; on the first, second, third, etc. date; when the other person notices, etc.  The second question is, how do you want to disclose your hearing loss?  Examples include:  apologetically (probably not the best approach); as a significant part of your identity; as an insignificant part of your identity; with confidence; with humor; or not acknowledging it at all.  The third question is, how would you prefer disclosure to occur?

The theme of the workshop was “Confidence is Sexy!”  Ms. Musso suggests disclosing a hearing loss in a positive manner, such as saying what you have learned from it and the bright side.  She gave us each a sheet of paper to fill out for preparing for a date, which includes writing some details about your hearing loss, tips for communicating with you, humor, how to show you’re proactive, and how to show you’re confident.  It is important to show your dating needs and habits, so anticipate possible barriers that could arise on a date (such as bad lighting or too much background noise), plan solutions for these situations, and be proactive by mentioning common problems before they happen.  For communication, Ms. Musso stressed that bluffing (pretending you heard/understood when you really didn’t) is not allowed when you and your date are sharing personal thoughts and feelings.  Be clear about what you need to be able to hear, and be honest when you don’t hear.

Intimacy barriers that stem from hearing loss include environmental (e.g. lights), attitude (e.g. avoidance), and emotional (e.g. fear and shame).  Ms. Musso reminded us that self-esteem is a very important factor in successful dating, and people with hearing loss often have self-esteem issues related to their hearing status.  She told the audience to keep in mind that many relationships end for the same reasons, whether someone has a hearing loss or not, but people with hearing loss and disabilities often blame themselves or their disability for the end of a relationship.

Websites recommended by the workshop include:

A Greater Date (online dating for Deaf/Hard-of-Hearing)

Dating4Disabled 

Dating Tips and Advice 

And a website about Self-Esteem 

Our keynote speaker at the Awards Luncheon was Patricia Graves, the president of Caption First and a pioneer in captioning since its inception in the ’80s.  She has developed the standards for CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation) captioning, and is certified in “every state and national captioning certificate that exists.”  Ms. Graves is losing her vision due to diabetes, and drew may comparisons of going blind to going deaf, such as bluffing (saying “oh yes, that’s a lovely painting!” when she really can’t see it), and being accused of having “selective seeing” (people with hearing loss are often accused of having “selective hearing”—only hearing when they want to).  She said to her ALDA family, “You have taught me to recognize that limitations are okay, and it is okay to ask for help.”

My final workshop of the convention was Part 3 of “Communication Strategies and Basic Sign Language” by David Litman.  We reviewed family signs, and learned signs about time, weather, and emergencies.  I learned a new sign—HURRICANE.  Mr. Litman reminded us to “think visually!”  I loved seeing the room full of people eager and excited to learn Sign Language, and I am so glad that ALDA encourages its members to embrace ASL.

Our all-night Karaoke Party deserves its own post, so stay tuned!