Best Class EVER

For this week’s ASL class, our teacher Mary is on vacation in Florida and so my Level 1 and 2 teacher, Susanne, was supposed to take over.  When I arrived, though, I found out that Susanne was sick and couldn’t teach, so local interpreter Tom—who taught us ‘bathroom-related signs’ a few weeks ago—was our substitute.  We weren’t sure how this was going to work, because it was a combined class with us (Level 3) and Level 1. 

Tom started by giving us a little background information about himself.  He is a CODA, meaning his parents are Deaf, and has been an ASL interpreter for 35 years.  He doesn’t believe in teaching ASL out of just one book, but says “you should use any and every book available to you” because everyone has a different way of signing, just like Hearing people have different ways of talking.  Then he taught us “Tom’s 3 Rules for Signing”:

1. Don’t fingerspell any faster than you can say a word outloud.
2. Make sure you can see the other person’s eyes.
3. You don’t have to have all 10 fingers (or even a second hand!) to sign.

I knew from this little introduction that it was going to be a fun class.  Tom laid out strips of paper, face-down, on the table at the front of the room and explained that one person would be ‘The Asker’ and another would be ‘The Answerer.’  The Asker takes a strip of paper and signs the question to The Answerer, then The Answerer picks a strip of paper and becomes The Asker.  My Level 3 classmates and I exchanged nervous glances, but the Level 1 students looked terrified.  “But we just started learning Sign!” they protested.  “How are we supposed to do this, all I know how to say is ‘Nice to meet you!’” the lady sitting next to me said.  “Don’t worry, this is the time to screw it up!  Just fingerspell what you don’t know the sign for, or act it out.  Then we’ll analyze it until we puke, and we’ll start again!” Tom answered.

The Level 1 students were eager to try it, much to my surprise.  The first question was, “How much is that doggie in the window?” but the girl only knew the sign for WINDOW.  The rest of it she tried, unsuccessfully, to fingerspell; but she gave it a valiant effort.  I was nervous going up there for my turn, but at least I had 2 previous semesters of experience under my belt. 

Unintentionally, I only got paired up with other students from Level 3, so I had an easier time both asking and answering the questions.  I was asked, “What is your zip code?”, which was easy.  As ‘Asker’ I had the question: “9/11 was awful, how many people died in that disaster?”  I looked at Tom with disgust and said, “Ew, can I pick a less morbid one??”  He wouldn’t let me.  My ‘Answerer’ had a little trouble, mainly because the sign for “9” and “F” are exactly the same (I should have signed “SEPTEMBER 11” instead of “9-11”) but she got it on the second try.  Later I had to ask for paper with 3 holes in it (I didn’t know the sign for “HOLES” so I used the same handshape as BUTTONS, which Tom said was a good idea), and “How many miles is it from here to Chicago?” (which should have been easy but I spelled it “C-H-I-C-A-H-O” and made Tom laugh).  The other questions I had to answer were “Who is that man over there?” and “How many people are in our class tonight?”; I aced them both.

During our break, my classmate Jessica and I jokingly asked Tom if he was going to teach us any more “dirty words.”  When he taught us the ‘bathroom signs’ a few weeks ago, he had said, “You have to learn the dirty words, so you don’t accidentally say them when you think you’re signing something else!”  He said he would teach us some at the end of class, but I thought he was kidding.  He wasn’t.

With about 15 minutes left, Tom announced, “Ok guys, it’s time to learn some dirty words!  If you think you might get offended, please go ahead and leave the class.  I’m not doing this to be shocking, but I do think it’s important for you to learn these.  That way, you’ll know what they are if someone says them to you, and you’ll be careful not to confuse them with a similar sign.”  I figured he was going to teach us words like HELL and DAMN, but he went way beyond those and taught us George Carlin’s “The 7 Words You Can’t Say on Television.” (Don’t worry, I won’t list them—just be extra-careful when signing “TRIANGLE” that your fingers are pointing up, not down!) 

No one in the class got up to leave.  We were all doubled over laughing so hard, I could barely catch my breath enough to whisper to Jessica, “This is the best class EVER!”